The Headwaters Blog

Head, Heart, and Soul:

When you’ve lived as long as I have, you start to see the bare bones of life. We’re not a bunch of random thoughts and feelings. God built us with three different compartments, all humming at the exact same time: the Head, the Heart, and the Soul. If you want to understand why men and women walk the way they walk, and how to keep from tearing each other apart, you’ve got to understand how these three rooms work —and who holds the key to the whole house.

Let’s start with the man. By the Almighty’s blueprint, a man is geared toward his Head.

Now, don't mistake me—this doesn't mean he's a genius. It means his center of gravity is fixed on his figuring things out, his duty, and his job. A man looks out at the world and sees a wilderness he’s got to tame, a roof he needs to build, and a family he has to protect. His identity is wrapped up in his job and his ability to provide.

The language he speaks is service. To him, working a twelve-hour shift, changing the oil, and fixing the back step is poetry. He thinks: I am doing, therefore I am loving.

Now, you look at a woman, and you’ll see she’s wired different. She is geared toward the Heart.

Where the man looks at the world and sees a something to build, a woman’s heart is fixed on the nest—the family, the children, the home. She don't just see people; she feels them. She can spot a broken spirit in a child before the boy even knows he’s sad.

Because her gravity is in the Heart, she speaks a different language. She longs for Quality Time and someone to tell her she’s beautiful. She doesn't just want the porch light fixed; she wants her husband to sit on the porch with her, look her in the eye, and ask her how her soul is doing. She needs to know she is seen and special —not just provided for.

Here’s the mistake the young ones make: they think we only use one room at a time. They think a man leaves his heart at home, or a woman leaves her head behind.

Life doesn't work in shifts. All three —Head, Heart, and Soul—are in play all at the exact same time.

When a marriage is hitting on all cylinders, it’s because the man and a woman learn to speak each other’s language and understand each other.

A wise man uses his Head to study his wife's Heart, learning to speak her language of time and words. A wise woman uses her Heart to appreciate her husband's Head, appreciating his hard work as his way of showing his love.

But listen close now, because this is where the wheels fall off for most folks. You can have a man working his fingers to the bone (Head) and a woman loving her children fiercely (Heart), and the whole thing can still fall apart.

Why? Because the Head and the Heart are human. And human things break.

The third compartment—the deep quiet room in the house—is the Soul. And make no mistake: God is the Soul.

Without faith and trust in God, the other two-head and heart- can be dangerous.

When a man trusts only his Head: He becomes a tyrant or a slave to his job. If the economy tanks or he loses his work, his identity is shot to pieces . He’s lost because his god was in his own ability.

When a woman trusts only her Heart: Her family becomes an idol. She lives in constant anxiety, holding her children too tight. Her emotions rule the house, and emotions are as fickle as the weather in April.

The Soul is where faith lives. Faith is the confidence that says, "I don't have to figure everything out in my my Head, and I don't have to fix every broken feeling with my Heart, because God is in control."

Trusting God means a man can come home from a bad day at work, drop to his knees, and say, "Lord, I am not the real provider. You are." Trusting God means a woman can watch her children walk out into this crazy world, take a deep breath, and say, "Lord, they were Yours before they were mine. I trust them to You."

When you get to the tail-end of your days, things start to quieten down. The jobs fade away. The children grow up and build their own nests. The calluses on your hands soften.

In the end, you realize that the Head and the Heart were given to us to love each other well on this earth. But the Soul? The Soul is the part that’s built for the long haul.

If you’re trying to run your life on just your figuring things out or just your feelings, you’re going to run dry. Tie your Soul to the Almighty. Trust Him to hold your Head and your Heart together.

Now, go look at the ones you love, and start speaking their language. And don't forget to say your prayers.